“Fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real. But fear is a choice.” Will Smith
Fear is a feeling induced by perceived danger or threat that causes changed in our metabolic and organ functions. It also changed out typical behavior: a person who has a tendency towards calm confidence might flee, hide or freeze when faced with perceived traumatic events.
So although fear is somewhat an illusion–though danger is not– it feels very real in the moment. Most people have at least a couple of irrational fear. (For interest’s sake, see this list of the top 100 fears.)
I think I’ve always been afraid of rooftops. I’ve been afraid of many things, but I’ve gotten good at convincing others that I am pretty much fearless. I’m not. According to Will Smith, fear is a choice. I am choosing to face that which causes fear from now on.
why are you afraid of rooftops, Rach?
My older brother likes to tell the story of how he almost died laughing when he was about six or seven. I adored that guy—followed him around and did whatever I could to make him proud of me. He told me to jump on the roof; I did as he requested. He was smart enough to jump on the beams; I jumped on the weak strips of wood. I fell through; he did not.
That’s not the part he loves to tell though. For him, the highlight was not how devoted I was, but how hilarious the view was from below–my feet dangling through the rafters. I hung on for dear life while he tried to stop laughing long enough to push the rickety table beneath my feet. In his eyes, he was a hero.
I was so afraid of rooftops after that. [And afraid of being laughed at;] ]
Fast forward to grade 8
All I am going to tell you is that my twenty-minute speech ended up being under one minute. I was never confident talking in front of people again. Not even in staff meetings—unless I wasn’t “put on the spot”… or teaching. Most people don’t believe this once they get to know me, but it’s true.
How I got over my fear of rooftops
When my son was six, I climbed up our rickety makeshift ladder and he held it steady as I climbed. With each step, it wobbled. I had leaned it up against the eaves troughs and hoped it would stay put. I should add that back then I didn’t understand why it wasn’t kosher to wear shorts and flip-flops to climb a rough-hewn ladder to a very angled rooftop. Why it wasn’t enough to have a six-year-old holding the ladder steady while standing in a freshly worked up flower bed.
I was going up to tar the roof that had created a small river in the living room. Our neighbour was afraid of rooftops as well, so he lent me a bucket of tar and warned me to be careful up on that rooftop. Of course, I nodded and pretended to be fearless where rooftops were concerned.
My heart knocked against my ribs with each knock of the ladder against the eaves, but I made it to the top with that bucket of tar, and I managed to scramble off the ladder and climb up the rooftop until I started to slide, I grabbed the bucket of tar before it slid down the slope and fell into a spread-eagle on the rooftop. That’s when I understood why people wore pants and shoes to tar roofs as the asphalt bit into my knees and a flip-flop flew off my foot.
“Mama, are you okay?”
“I don’t know what to do!” I yelled, wondering if I’d taught my son how to dial 9-1-1. There was so much I hadn’t thought to teach him, but this could be the end. It was as though I was six years old again, with my feet dangling through the rafters.
“Mama, you’ve got to face your fear!”
There was no option, so I did as my son suggested. Somehow, his voice coaxed me back down from the edge of the roof.
How I Got over my fear of public speaking
I’m not really sure. I don’t have a dramatic story to tell—but what I can say is that Write Out Loud was spectacular! I felt like I did when I was Little Mrs. Periwinkle in grade 3, or the news reporter in grade 7.
It was so good to reconnect with my good friend Jackie. She is the one who taught me to make a perfect curl on an ice cream cone.
Thank you to all who have encouraged, supported me and helped me get over my fear of public speaking. I’m glad so it’s over.
Oh, and watch out world, I’m on a roll!
Resources
33 Powerful Ways of Overcoming Fear … Right Now
6 fears you need to Master to be happy